Hi. I’m Bruce, and I have a tale to tell.
Something extraordinary happened to me a little while ago.
I was minding my own business, sitting on my front lawn with my brothers and sisters.
Then suddenly, a light appeared on the horizon.
Being an adventurous type of Gnome, and having been given to my owner as a joke, I stood my ground while the other Gnomes all ran my away and hid.
Now, Gnomes are known to be peaceful creatures. We’re often depicted holding flowers and watering cans.
Not me. The joke was that I came with my own gun. My own pathetic excuse for a gun.
Being made out of clay, it was useless.
Now, this night, I was abducted by aliens. Little green guys came rushing out as the light revealed itself to be a space shuttle.
I was dragged into it’s depths.
Then, I was held in a laboratory and prodded and poked.
I didn’t know how to escape. I was held in outer space in a space shuttle with no way of going back to Earth.
Finally, in a fit of temper, I did something that no Gnome had ever done before.
I threatened them with my gun.
Then, my fingers slipped and hit the trigger.
A beam of light shot out and nuked a little green guy.
The rest of them all ran and hid.
I grabbed one as he ducked to hide, and said to him,
“Take me back home and no one will get hurt.”
He jumped up and down, calling something out in a strange language.
The alien must have understood me, because next thing, I was standing back on my own lawn.
It’s a true story.
Who would know my little clay gun would have been able to work in outer space.